oh the many nuances of workplace bathroom etiquette

when to accept personal defeat: when you realize that you are on the same pee schedule as the 70 year old woman who works on your floor.

during your first run-in of the day, the casual sink side banter naturally turns to the weather and the strange smell permeating throughout the hallway. you chalk it up to burnt popcorn and cleaning supplies and share a quiet chortle. you bid eachother goodbye with a friendly wave and smile, assuming this is the last time you will see them for at least 5 more pee cycles.

much to your dismay, a few hours later you spot those familiar khaki loafers peeping out from underneath the adjacent stall. coincidence! you tell yourself, and shoot them an awkward smile as you once again find yourself lathering up in tandem.

by your third pee, you're alone in the room. freedom. just when you think youre in the clear, you hear the muffled sound of orthopedics shuffle across the tile. the door opens and shuts several stalls down. it couldnt be, could it? sure enough, khaki loafers. you wonder how long is socially acceptable to simply sit in a bathroom stall without actually doing anything, trying to avoid facing the sad reality that your bladder is functioning at the same level as your grandma. after 30 seconds of silence (dragging into YEARS), you figure they must have dozed off and decide to make a break for it. you quietly slink out of your stall and tip toe towards the sink. soap up. lather. rinse. you've done it! you're in the clear! just as you lean over to reach for the paper towels, a smug satisfaction settling in, a clink to your right grabs your attention. you look over and THERE THEY ARE! a sneak attack! defeated, you contort your face into a half smile half grimace, feigning sick to excuse your abrupt departure while fighting back tears.

you won this round, but tomorrow is another day.