nothing can make the awkwardness of a first date more awkward than a hoard of oogling coworkers watching your every move. unless, of course, your date goes in for a FIST POUND after you dramatically duck to avoid his goodnight kiss. OR you happen to burst into hysterical tears mid drunken makeout session at 4 in the morning. OR you spot an older couple you know sitting a few rows behind you in the movie theatre while your date tries (and fails) to grope your boob. and the couple happens to be your parents. watching 8 mile.

awkward dates are kind of my thing.

i usually try to time my awkwardness around mealtimes. i find the food-in-mouth excuse works in almost every uncomfortable-first-date situation. just ran out of witty, charming anecdotes to tell? keep chewing until A) you think of something new to say or B) hes forced to say something to fill the silence. laugh at what you thought was a joke but turns out to be a heartfelt confession? carefully morph your chuckle into a deep, chesty cough as if you just got something lodged in your throat. realize youve just been asked a question but you didnt hear what it was because you can't understand anything he says between the mumble and the accent? mid bite, widen your eyes in amazement, proclaiming this to be the BEST meal youve ever had, as if you are completely absorbed by the food's awesomeness and couldn't possibly think of anything else. if you're into him, offer him a bite (hoping it really IS mind numbingly delicious).

of course, food dates can be pretty high stakes. theres always the possibility of food getting stuck in your teeth, spillage, or my personal nemesis, digestive problems. thankfully, my recent food truck date was amazingly sparse on the food faux-pas. just me, my indian chicken kathi sandwich, and new guy. it was just the three of us until i noticed a bench full of my coworkers across the plaza, craning their necks around at regular intervals. between the natural awkwardness of spending your lunch hour with someone new and the acute awareness of my snickering audience, i was distracted and uncomfortable. i botched the delivery of several jokes (though, to his credit, he did give me the pity laugh). i managed to forget what i was saying mid sentence TWICE. yet, somehow i managed to end the date with most of my dignity and a few good laughs.

while it may not have been my best first date, it certainly wasnt my worst. at least i got a delicious kathi roll out of it.

i am taking FULL advantage of my brief sojourn from late night studying and paper writing to knock a few items of my to-read list. conquests thus far:

my horizontal life-chelsea handler

room-emma donoghue

bossy pants-tina fey

just kids-patti smith

lapp king's daughter-stina katchadourian

next in the queue

demon fish-juliet eilperin

this is where i leave you-jonathan tropper

little bee-chris cleave

jurassic park-michael crichton

four fish-paul greenberg

suggestions welcome

oh the many nuances of workplace bathroom etiquette

when to accept personal defeat: when you realize that you are on the same pee schedule as the 70 year old woman who works on your floor.

during your first run-in of the day, the casual sink side banter naturally turns to the weather and the strange smell permeating throughout the hallway. you chalk it up to burnt popcorn and cleaning supplies and share a quiet chortle. you bid eachother goodbye with a friendly wave and smile, assuming this is the last time you will see them for at least 5 more pee cycles.

much to your dismay, a few hours later you spot those familiar khaki loafers peeping out from underneath the adjacent stall. coincidence! you tell yourself, and shoot them an awkward smile as you once again find yourself lathering up in tandem.

by your third pee, you're alone in the room. freedom. just when you think youre in the clear, you hear the muffled sound of orthopedics shuffle across the tile. the door opens and shuts several stalls down. it couldnt be, could it? sure enough, khaki loafers. you wonder how long is socially acceptable to simply sit in a bathroom stall without actually doing anything, trying to avoid facing the sad reality that your bladder is functioning at the same level as your grandma. after 30 seconds of silence (dragging into YEARS), you figure they must have dozed off and decide to make a break for it. you quietly slink out of your stall and tip toe towards the sink. soap up. lather. rinse. you've done it! you're in the clear! just as you lean over to reach for the paper towels, a smug satisfaction settling in, a clink to your right grabs your attention. you look over and THERE THEY ARE! a sneak attack! defeated, you contort your face into a half smile half grimace, feigning sick to excuse your abrupt departure while fighting back tears.

you won this round, but tomorrow is another day.

weekends are for eating. when i can theoretically spend 48 consecutive hours contemplating, preparing (purchasing?) and consuming food without that whole work thing getting in the way. two full days of uninterrupted indulgence.

and eat i did. despite the hideous heat and lingering threat of thunderstorms, i managed to fit in lunch at hard times, a picnic in the park, a bbq in arlington, a froyo outing, TWO coffee outings, and multiple bowls of cereal.

my makeshift chili 'salad.' fueling up after a busy morning of ikea shopping and costco wandering. after lifting those family sized cans of beans into and out of my cart, i needed to bulk up, feed the muscles. and nothing says 99 degrees and humidity quite like hot chili.

first stop on my weekend cafe/reading tour of dc-qualia coffee. grabbed my soy chai, my banana bread and my latest read and squeezed myself between two ladies totting imacs. the place had a cozy familiar feel to it, hanging-out-in-a-friend's-living-room vibe. that is, if you happen to be friends with trendy baristas who patronize the arts and accept tips from their closest 15 friends

second stop on the tour, the new peregrin espresso location on 14th. exposed brick + serious coffee drinkers + up and coming neighborhood location = hipster haven. while im no true hipster myself, i do love a boy in plaid and my obscure indie bands. alas, i simply dont have enough vintage ironic tees to ever truly belong.

i'm no country gal, but this tune totally blows jay z's original version out of the water.

$13 view of downtown DC

summers in dc usually bring disgustingly hot, profusely sweaty days and slightly less sweaty nights. by some stroke of luck, weve been spared dante's inferno these past few days and ive actually been able to walk outside without perspiring a fine sheen of sweat through my clothes. the lack of offensive body odor and my newly study-free nights and weekends (school free summer!) have inspired me to spend some quality time outdoors.

hot on the heels of the cupcake craze came the froyo wave, an army of overpriced frozen yogurt joints popping up across the city. the masterminds behind the craze managed to convinced us all that buying yogurt instead of ice cream justifies spending $4+ on a cup of curdled milk with some choc chips sprinkled on top. somehow a cup of salted caramel froyo topped with heath bar, brownies and granola seems healthier than a cone of ben & jerries?

after last year's foodtruck mishap (arriving late, having to wait 45 minutes in line, and ending up with a bottom-of-the-barrel plate of rice and pumpkin), i booked it over to truckaroo after work to make sure i would once and for all get to taste the legendary korean taco truck. 20 minutes waiting in line later and i was happily munching on not one but TWO korean tacos. well worth the year-long wait.

the nice thing about nice weather, people are actually OUT. the hipsters, the prepsters, the hill guys, the interns and everyone inbetween come out in droves to take advantage of the summer festivities.

the only thing that stands between sanity and climbing into the refrigerator when those balmy summer days finally do come is knowing summer brings a bevy of free outdoor concerts, festivals, and socially acceptable binge drinking on rooftops. so while i may be miserable, hot, and sticky, at least ill be enjoying some free live music while im at it.

time to jump back in the proverbial blogging saddle. no papers or exams or paper grading to distract me from the important things in life: entertaining the masses (read: the two people i force to read this blog).

given that i spend 8 longs hours a day, 5 whole days a week sitting at a desk, i have to REALLY step up my game between the hours of 6pm and 12 am, make sure im out there experiencing plenty of awkward/embarrassing moments. all for you!

UNLESS... people are interested in reading about my lunchbreak (what did i make for lunch that day? what was the answer to 4 down on the express crossword?), the latest office gossip (who made the afternoon coffee pot that NO ONE drank??) or better yet, my 4 daily trips to the bathroom (did i run into anyone on the way? were they out of toilet paper?)

...i think ill stick with awkward/embarrassing. at least for now.