nothing can make the awkwardness of a first date more awkward than a hoard of oogling coworkers watching your every move. unless, of course, your date goes in for a FIST POUND after you dramatically duck to avoid his goodnight kiss. OR you happen to burst into hysterical tears mid drunken makeout session at 4 in the morning. OR you spot an older couple you know sitting a few rows behind you in the movie theatre while your date tries (and fails) to grope your boob. and the couple happens to be your parents. watching 8 mile.

awkward dates are kind of my thing.

i usually try to time my awkwardness around mealtimes. i find the food-in-mouth excuse works in almost every uncomfortable-first-date situation. just ran out of witty, charming anecdotes to tell? keep chewing until A) you think of something new to say or B) hes forced to say something to fill the silence. laugh at what you thought was a joke but turns out to be a heartfelt confession? carefully morph your chuckle into a deep, chesty cough as if you just got something lodged in your throat. realize youve just been asked a question but you didnt hear what it was because you can't understand anything he says between the mumble and the accent? mid bite, widen your eyes in amazement, proclaiming this to be the BEST meal youve ever had, as if you are completely absorbed by the food's awesomeness and couldn't possibly think of anything else. if you're into him, offer him a bite (hoping it really IS mind numbingly delicious).

of course, food dates can be pretty high stakes. theres always the possibility of food getting stuck in your teeth, spillage, or my personal nemesis, digestive problems. thankfully, my recent food truck date was amazingly sparse on the food faux-pas. just me, my indian chicken kathi sandwich, and new guy. it was just the three of us until i noticed a bench full of my coworkers across the plaza, craning their necks around at regular intervals. between the natural awkwardness of spending your lunch hour with someone new and the acute awareness of my snickering audience, i was distracted and uncomfortable. i botched the delivery of several jokes (though, to his credit, he did give me the pity laugh). i managed to forget what i was saying mid sentence TWICE. yet, somehow i managed to end the date with most of my dignity and a few good laughs.

while it may not have been my best first date, it certainly wasnt my worst. at least i got a delicious kathi roll out of it.